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Some of my favorite Seinfeld moments

Shrinkage

George"Do women know about shrinkage?"
Elaine "What do you mean, like laundry?"
George"No..."
Jerry"Like when a man goes swimming... Afterwards..."
Elaine"It shrinks?"
Jerry"Like a frightened turtle."
Elaine"Why does it shrink?"
George"It just does."
Elaine"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."

Sponge worthy

Elaine“So, you think you're sponge-worthy?”
Billy “Yes, I think I'm sponge-worthy. I think I'm very sponge-worthy”
Elaine“Run down your case for me again...?”
Billy“Well, we've gone out several times, we obviously have a good rapport.
I own a very profitable electronics distributing firm. I eat well. I exercise.
Blood tests - immaculate. And if I can speak frankly,
I'm actually quite good at it”
Elaine“You going to do something about your sideburns?"
Billy“Yeah, I told you...I'm going to trim my sideburns”
Elaine“And the bathroom in your apartment?”
Billy“Cleaned it this morning”……………..
Elaine“Alright, let's go”

Talking Dirty

Jerry “So, we're, uh, foolin' around there.. you know, it's getting a little passionate.." (Scoots closer to George, to prevent others from hearing)
"and, uh, she starts with the dirty talking”
George (Putting his hands up) “Alright, alright, hold on!" (Jerry has George's full attention) "Time out! Woah, woah!" (Scooting in, giddy) "What did she say?”
Jerry (Modest) “Oh, you know, the usual..”
George “No, I don't know. How do I know the usual?”
Jerry “Typical things”
George (Picking up the ketchup) “What typical? Gimme typical. Gimme some
typical”
Jerry “She says, uh..” (Mumbles something inaudible. George, so shocked by
what he's just heard, accidentally squeezes the ketchup bottle
ketchup squirts out and files off-screen. George reacts deeply)
George (Breathing deeply) “That's very dirty." (Jerry nods)
"That's absolutely filthy”
Jerry “And then she starts talking about her panties”
George (Yelling out to a waitress) “I'm gonna need some water here!” .......

Elaine (Folding up the check) Ok, I'll leave you two alone.
Jerry (Moving back into the living room) "Okay"
Elaine (In the door way) "Maybe I'll go visit my mother
She just bought me some new panties" (Jerry pauses right
before sitting in his chair) "and they're - all laid out for me"
(Leaves, smiling to herself. Jerry and George both look at
each other, frozen in their places)

Chicken Roaster

[Enter Jerry, his hair is like Kramer's. Jerry enters doing Kramer's slide]
Jerry “Hey everybody, I'm on no sleep, no sleep!. You don't know what it's
like in there, all night long things are creeping and cracking. And
that red light is burning my brain!”
Elaine ”You look a little stressed”
Jerry “Oh I'm stressed!”

The Opposite

( A blonde looks at George )
Elaine “Ah, George, you know, that woman just looked at you”
George “So what? What am I supposed to do?”
Elaine “Go talk to her”
George “Elaine, bald men, with no jobs, and no money, who live
with their parents, don't approach strange women”
Jerry”Well here's your chance to try the opposite. Instead of tuna
salad and being intimidated by women, chicken salad and going
right up to them”
George “Yeah, I should do the opposite, I should”
Jerry “ If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would
have to be right”
George “Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing,
and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and
I will do something!”( He goes over to the woman )
George “Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice that you were looking in
my direction”
Victoria “Oh, yes I was, you just ordered the same exact lunch as me”
( George takes a deep breath )
George “My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents”
Victoria “I'm Victoria. Hi”

The Cigar Store Indian

Jerry “It's a cigar store Indian. (to Elaine) Read the card”
Elaine (examines card) (embarrassed) “That's very nice. Thank you very much”
Jerry “Read it out loud”
Elaine “I, I don't think so”
Jerry (takes the card from Elaine) “We had a little fight this afternoon"
(reading from card) "Let's bury the hatchet. We smoke um peace pipe”
Winona (gathering her stuff) "Hey, you know, it's late. I really should go."
Elaine "I, uh, I don't blame you Winona. I, uh..."
Jerry begins rocking the Indian back and forth, making the stereotypical movie
Indian chant.
Jerry “Hey-yah, ho-ah, hey-yah, ho-ah”
Winona leaves, looking offended.

Cleavage Alert

Russell (to Jerry and George) “We're going to have to do this some
other time so if you'll give me your number, I'll call you later”
(Jerry and George nod. Molly takes her jacket off)
George ”You know, suddenly I'm in the mood for pasta primavera myself”
(Jerry nudges George to sneak a peek at Molly's cleavage as she bends over
and looks in her backpack. Jerry has a quick look, but George stares,
hypnotized. Russell comes up behind George)
Russell (angrily) “Get a good look, Costanza”
New scene - Jerry and George in Jerry's apartment.
Jerry ”What were you doing?”
George “Well, it's not my fault. You poked me!”
Jerry ”You're supposed to just take a peek after a poke. You were like you
just put a quarter into one of those big metal things on top of the Empire State Building”
George "It's cleavage. I couldn't look away. What am I, waiting to win
an Oscar here? This is all I have in my life."
Jerry "Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun, you don't stare at it.
It's too risky.You get a sense of it and then you look away."
George "All right. So, he caught me in a cleavage peek, so big deal.
Who wouldn't look at his daughter's cleavage? She's got nice cleavage."
Jerry "That's why I poked."

Seinfeld reunion on "Curb Your Enthusiasm"

Jason Alexander "So the story line is that Jason, TV Jason quits the Seinfeld reunion, and Larry says 'I can play George. I am George, I'll play George.' and they give him a shot and then we shot a reunion Seinfeld scene with Larry as George. The day they're shooting that, I'm not on the set, they don't need me. I get a call at nine o'clock in the morning from Larry David, frantic saying 'you have to come down. I don't know how to do you'. I said what are you talking ... what are you talking about, I was doing you, you idiot you know that. Just do what you do. 'Ahh, George is different from me'. I said He's not different from you Larry. I was doing you 'You have to come down and give me line readings' I went You've got to be kidding me And I went down and I'm giving Larry David line readings as George, who is Larry David. I mean really! We where in wonderland that day and it was fantastic. And I'm just looking at him going, You're idiot. You are an idiot. I don't know what I'm doing here And then he would argue with me about the line readings"

The Little Man

George “Kramer, should I call Susan?”
Kramer ”Now what does the little man inside you say? See you gotta listen to the little man”
George “My little man doesn't know”
Kramer “The little man knows all”
George “My little man's an idiot”

Take It Outside

Cut to the movie theater; two young men are sitting behind George and Victoria
Man no.1 "Hey baby, how about a little tongue action, huh?"
Man no.2 "Yeah, stick your tongue down his throat"
(they kick George and Victoria's seats)
Victoria "What are we gonna do? Shall we just move?"
George "That won't be necessary"
(George gets up and turns towards the two men)
George "Shut your traps and stop kicking the seats! We're trying to watch the
movie! And if I have to tell you again, we're gonna take it outside and I'm gonna
show you what it's like! You understand me? Now, shut your mouths or I'll
shut'em for ya, and if you think I'm kidding, just try me. Try me. Because I would love it"
(People applaud as George sits down again)

George's Bromance

Tony "So I said huh.. 'Hey dude, you better step off"
(Tony takes his cap and wears it backwards)
George "step off?"
Tony "yeah"
George "you said 'step off.' Wow, that is too much? Hey..huh hey
(George turns the cap his wearing backwards like Tony)
George I huh, I just had this brainstorm for us. Can you guess what it is?"
Tony"No"
George "Bowling! what do you say, bowling? Bowling's insane! Bowling is crazy time"
Tony "Bowling? I don't think so George. You get no rush from bowling"
George "Rush? You want a rush? Drop a bowl on your toe my friend, talk about a rush,
you'd be throbbing, you'd see visions"